Copyright 1999, 2000 By Howard E. Hinman
All Rights Reserved
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Well, here I was standing in the Supreme Court Room of the State of California before the the First District Appellate Court. The three honorable Justices sitting along the long, seemingly ancient desk were actually familiar faces. I had traveled from my home in Indiana to appear here for oral arguments in what was my ex-wife's seventh appeal related to our divorce case.
It was also my first appeal of the long and somewhat tumultuous road leading down our divorce which began in 1989. It was now well into the millennium, and the only thing certain about the future was that it would most likely hold more legal proceedings and court appearances. My ex-wife had brought several issues before the Appellate Court once again - many of which had been previously denied by this same court and would undoubtedly be denied again. She had previously also been denied some of these same issues in the three previous Writs for Petition for Mandates she had brought before this same court (a Writ for Petition of Mandate is an emergency motion to the Appellate Court to ask them to force the lower Court to take action or to stop a current action quickly). She had filed her current appeal in February of 1998 and I had filed my lone issue later that same year in November. It was now April of 2000, and here I was standing next to her in the Supreme Court Room facing three Justices who most likely wished they had never met either of us.
There were already by this time two published appellate opinions in our case. The first had been published in 1991. It allowed me to retain joint custody of my ex-wife's 2 children from her first marriage - my step children who had not been adopted by me. When our divorce began in early 1989, we were residing near San Francisco. I had met my ex-wife as a student at Indiana University, where she was a foreign student from Malaysia. We had been married for eight years when the divorce began.
I had decided to seek joint custody of not only our three children, but of my two step children as well. I had raised these children from the ages of three and four, and they were like my own. I felt that their future with her would be bleak given her lack of responsibility towards them. She had abandoned them to come and reside with me soon after we met in college, without initially telling me they even existed. Later, she would travel to Malaysia with them and return to America to marry me and reside here, leaving them in her first husband's hands to deal with. Her first husband is also Malaysian and I later made friends with him and he is a wonderful person. I admire him greatly, and we are in contact with each other even today.
I had been aware that she was seeing someone else, and was more than familiar with her technique to do so. She enrolled in night classes well over an hour's drive from our home, and would leave me at home in the evening to take care of the five children, including a few month old baby. The five children acted as a sort of anchor, ensuring I would not follow her, and she evidently felt safe to do whatever she desired these evenings. I had finally decided that enough was enough. I had remained married to her for these past few years primarily because of the children. I feared greatly that if I filed for divorce, she would be awarded custody of the children, and while I would most likely be granted visitation with our three children, she might never allow me to see my two step children (her children from her first marriage). I had been responsible for restoring the relationship between these two children and their natural father, after she had refused to allow him to have any contact with them. She was quite irritated about this, and I had few doubts that I faced a similar fate if she was awarded control of the children.
I had been searching for an attorney for several weeks. It was a difficult search because I wanted to fight for custody of all five children and most attorneys seemed to feel this was an impossibility under California law. In February of 1989, the situation had become almost unbearable, and it became apparent that my ex-wife was about to do something dramatic. The attorney I decided to hire had requested that I retrieve certain documents from our home for her to examine. She also expressed a fear that my ex-wife might attempt to flee back to Malaysia with the children, and requested that I take custody of the children's passports until she could prepare the case and file it. Upon looking for the passports, I discovered they were missing. A more intent check made it appear that my ex-wife had acquired plane tickets to Malaysia using my frequent flier awards.
Upon informing my attorney of these facts, she finished the initial filing and traveled to court to file the case and to seek an emergency order granting me sole temporary custody of all five children until such time as my ex-wife turned over their passports. Upon meeting my attorney at the court house on that fateful day, she exclaimed:
"They've already been here and filed papers!"
"Who has already been here?", I inquired.
"Your wife, and her attorney - they have filed for divorce already and she was granted temporary custody of the children. Fortunately, I filed our papers and explained the flight risk situation to the judge and she has issued a subsequent order granting you sole custody of all five children until your wife surrenders their passports. I want you to go straight home and make sure all five children are accounted for. Do not let your wife take any of them out of your site. If you have any problems, call the police and show them your court order."
So with that, I hurried home, armed with my first court order. Seemed simple enough - all I had to do was keep track of the children until she surrendered the passports she had taken to the court as ordered. I was sure she would do this quickly as she would not want to risk facing the court's wrath at violating an order.
When I returned home, all hell broke loose, unfortunately. I came in quite unexpected, as I was not due to return home from work for several hours. She was not aware I had been to court, and had not yet had her divorce papers served upon me, so she did not think I was aware of what was going on. I walked into our bedroom and found her there busily packing a suitcase. She was surprised but was always confident of her next move. I asked her what she was doing and she informed me she was taking a trip with the children. I informed her that this would not be the case - that she was welcome to leave, but she would not be taking any of the children. She then defiantly picked the baby up out of his crib and started out the door. I blocked the door and refused to let her leave with the baby.
My ex-wife flew into a rage. I had seen this behavior only once before, when she had become very angry and thrown an answering machine at me. Suddenly, the baby was on the floor crying loudly and she was after me! Before she could hit me, I spun her around and forced her over to the desk in our bedroom, sitting down in the chair and forcing her down on my lap while pinning her arms at her side so she could not hit me or grab something to hit me with. At the same time I was yelling at the top of my lungs for my step son (the oldest child) to come and check the baby, who was crying loudly, but seemed intact. Surprisingly, my ex-wife was yelling at my step son to run and get the neighbors. When he refused, she began trying to shame him. I took the opportunity to quickly reach and turn on my speakerphone and dialed 911. The 911 dispatcher came on and I attempted to explain that I was restraining my ex-wife, while she began yelling into the phone that I was trying to kill her. Must have been a fun call for the dispatcher. After what seemed like an eternity, two police officers appeared on the porch and I instructed my step son to let them in. He had instinctively taken the baby and the other children upstairs into one of the bedrooms and was keeping an eye on them.
The 911 dispatcher stayed on the line with us the whole time. I was trying to concentrate on sounding cool and calm. When the police officers entered the room, I immediately released my ex-wife and stated as coolly as I could:
"I'm O.K. - would one of you please go upstairs and check the children - she dropped the baby."
My ex-wife jumped up and the first words out of her mouth were:
"I demand to call my attorney!".
The police officers looked at each other for a moment and one gestured to the other to go upstairs and check on the children. He then looked at us and asked for an explanation. As I began explaining, he asked my ex-wife to remain silent, which added to her boiling rage. She again demanded to call her attorney. I got up and handed him the court order I had. My ex-wife ran over and grabbed her court order and stuffed it into the policeman's hands and exclaimed:
"He just tried to kill me. Do something!"
The police officer seemed to gauge from her anger and my relative calmness what was going on. By this time the other police officer rejoined him and stated that all five children were fine and he had asked them to remain upstairs and play while he talked to their parents. As both officers reviewed the two sets of court orders, one looked at the other and exclaimed:
" I just don't believe this. Sometimes I really don't understand the courts."
He then looked at my ex-wife and stated:
"Lady, the court order states that he has sole custody of all five children until you turn over their passports to the court. Now, neither of these orders seemed to deal with the fact that you both cannot reside here, given what I've just witnessed. There is no order granting us the authority to ask one of you to leave, but lady, you ARE going to leave." Please gather up your personal belongings and I want to see you out of here in ten minutes. If you come back, I'm going to arrest you."
My ex-wife ran to the phone and called her attorney, who evidently told her to leave and not to argue with the policemen. She gathered up her belongings and went out the door. I thanked the police officers, who gave me a somewhat chilly response as well and left. I went upstairs and sat down around the kitchen table with all of the children. I explained what was going on. I thanked my step son for making the right decision. I knew it was very hard on him and it tore him up inside.
The next day we appeared back in court. My ex-wife showed up in a neck brace no less. She did turn the missing passports over to the court. Her attorney then began telling a tragic story of how I supposedly retuned home in a rage and began beating on her. I simply couldn't believe it. My attorney had to restrain me from speaking out in protest. She whispered to me "Don't worry, we'll get a police report and possibly subpoena one of the policemen. Fortunately, my ex-wife couldn't help but complain about being forced to leave her own home, which seemed to give the judge a hint of the real truth. I relaxed a bit.
Much to my amazement, however, the judge addressed both of us and stated:
"Well it appears that you two definitely cannot reside together during this process. It is my understanding that you wife does not work and thus has no way to provide for herself, so I'm going to order that she remain in the house with the children, and you (me) will have to find another place of residence. You will also be required to pay support and you will have frequent visitation with the children. You will return home after this hearing and have one hour to collect your personal belongings and vacate the home."
I simply couldn't believe it! I had done everything properly, while she had come unglued, and the court was going to reward her by tossing me out of the house. Worse yet, the children would be left in the clutches of my ex-wife, and there would be hell to pay for my step son who had ignored her orders the day before. I could not believe how cold and thoughtless a court could be. I began believing all of the stories I had heard about how men have no rights in divorce court and can only expect to have their lives ruined at the whim of a vindictive ex-wife.
I returned home after the hearing. I really didn't know what to take or where I would go. I was too embarrassed to call a friend and let them know I had been kicked out of my own home. I guess I would just have to find a motel or something. I spent most of that precious hour with the children, after throwing some of my clothes and my shaving kit in the car. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done to explain to them what was going on. They were afraid and wanted to come with me. My step son seemed resigned to his fate and all I could do was to tell him how sorry I was about all of this mess. it appeared that my worst nightmares were quickly becoming true. It was all so very unfair.
I left the house with some of my clothes and headed towards my office, which was about an hour's drive away. It was one of the worst moments of my life. I didn't even know where I would sleep that night. I went into my office and sat down alone. I pondered my future. I didn't want to call my parents who were some 2000 miles away. I didn't want to tell any of my co-workers. I was simply so ashamed - and what did I have to be ashamed of?
When the divorce began, my ex-wife had informed me that unless I granted her literally all of the assets and agreed to pay an enormous amount of money monthly to her, I might never see my two step children again. She attempted to place me under her thumb by using these two innocent children that she knew I cared so very much for. For the next 10 months, she remained very focused on the financial aspects, which would hopefully prove to be her downfall.
We had separated in February of 1989 - she residing in the home with the children, and I in finally moving into a company apartment about an hour's drive away. The lack of cooperation began almost immediately, and we quickly became frequent visitors to the Family Law Department of the San Mateo County Superior Court. It seemed that I had to go to court often to obtain orders for even the simplest of problems.
At the time we separated, we had a beautiful newer Toyota 4 wheel drive van, and a well used 1981 VW Rabbit Diesel, which I had actually purchased prior to having met my ex-wife. Because she got to remain in the home with the children, I left the Toyota van for her and the children. This poised two later problems. The first was that I was a salesperson whose duties included inviting customers out for lunch on some occasions. A car I was driving was completely unsuitable for this. I actually borrowed an officemate's car a few times when I thought that the lunch scenario might come up, but this became too much of a burden and was a real embarrassment. The second problem came up when my ex-wife refused to let me drive the van when I had the children for visitation. She actually forced me to pile all five children (including the baby with his car seat) into the little 2 door VW Rabbit. When we appeared in court over this issue, the Judge was furious and ordered my ex-wife to allow me to have the van during visits. Problem was, the judge seemed furious at both of us. It seemed that I always got the short end of the stick in these early rounds of court. I was always hopeful that the judge would allow me to move back in with the children into our home, and give my ex-wife a taste of what it was like.
It was so unfair that she got to reside in the house because she wasn't working. She had the same computer science degree from Indiana University that I had, and additionally held a cosmetologist's license. She was in Silicon Valley as well. Yet, the court ignored all of this and I was force to endure the hardship and embarrassment of living on the outside.
After the judge ordered her to let me have the Toyota van for visits, she complied one time and then went back to refusing to let me have it, claiming I was not putting gas in it (which was not true). My attorney advised me that it was not worth going back to court over as the judge would just be angry at both of us. I reluctantly agreed. Once again, the stereotype of courts ignoring fathers seemed to be holding true. My attorney agreed that I needed a new car, and I bought a new Mercury Sable station wagon a few weeks later. I had to keep the VW rabbit because my ex-wife had the title to it and I couldn't trade it in as a result. I was fortunate that Ford Motor Company was one of my clients and I got a Ford employee to help me buy the car using something called an "X-Plan", which was a guaranteed discount that the dealer could not touch. I surprised the children who loved the new car. They no longer had to argue who would sit on whose lap during visits. It had a third fold-up seat in the back and there was plenty of room for all of us. This was a welcome relief and rekindled my spirits somewhat.
During the the months we were separated awaiting the divorce trial, I had been paying my ex-wife $3500 a month in support, yet she seemingly refused to buy clothes for the children. If I sent one of the children home in a new garment, it was the last I would see of it. When I would pick the children up for visitation as time went on, they would increasingly be dressed in worn out tattered clothes. It seemed to be a sort of game she enjoyed playing at my and the children's expense. When August and the new school year rolled around, one of the children was in tears because she was embarrassed to go to school in her clothes. Even though I had been paying my support and was barely getting by, I decided to use one of my final credit resources - the trusty Sears charge card, and took all of the children shopping (four were in school and one was a toddler). I spent well over $1000 on clothes for them in this one trip. They were thrilled and I let them take all of their new clothes home with them when they left. The following week, they were back dressed in tattered clothes when I picked them up, but by this time it had become a source of amusement. The children had all picked out a couple of outfits over the months I had purchased here and there and retained them at the apartment. They would then return in the same tattered clothes they came in, and they seemed happy with this arrangement.
Upon learning about my ex-wife's first marriage, my then attorney had performed some background checks and discovered that my ex-wife had never divorced her first husband legally (her first husband had initially accompanied her to Indiana University before I met her). My then attorney decided to seek a marriage annulment upon making this discovery. She explained that my ex-wife's residency here in America was based upon her marriage to me and that if the marriage was annulled, she could be deported from this country. I expressed concern that should this happen, my step children would also be deported and I might never see them again. My attorney explained to me that if I lost custody of these children, as expected, I would probably never see them again, so I was already running this risk. She also explained to me that there was little actual chance the INS would actually deport anyone after being married for eight years to an American and having children with him. Instead, she would use this as a bargaining chip, or "leverage" as she termed it, to help offset my wife's threat of never letting me see these children again.
I was told on many occasions that gaining custody of my step children was simply not possible as I had never adopted them. The best I could hope for was some form of visitation, but this would be difficult - even in California, which seemed to lead the nation in custody issues. Being the sometimes overly righteous person that I was, I simply found an attorney who would agree to press forward with this desire, even though she warned me that she did not feel I had much of a chance. We then proceeded to have a very ugly nine month custody battle wherein my ex-wife actually renamed our three children. Part of her seeming strategy was to enlist the support of the local Islamic community. My ex-wife had grown up in an Islamic culture in Malaysia. She had not practiced her religion during our relationship and subsequent marriage, instead choosing to be a very stylish western type of lady. She did refrain from eating pork or drinking alcohol, but that was about it. She did not wear any traditional Islamic dress or scarves, nor did she attend any form of religious activities, until shortly before our divorce. She wound up marrying her new Islamic spiritual advisor only days after our divorce was granted. She quickly began wearing a scarf and became someone I didn't know. It was apparently her desire to begin a new life with her new husband that led to her making decisions that would haunt her for years to come.
Our divorce case finally came to trial in December of 1989. The trial was in its fifth day of ugly testimony. Everyone was quite agitated - the two attorneys, who seemed to genuinely despise each other, the court reporter, who could hardly keep up with all of the arguing and interruptions, and even the Judge, who somehow was able to keep a handle on all of this. Sometime during the fifth day of contentious testimony, the Judge suddenly leaned forward and held her hands in a "time out" sign and said "Time Out!". She looked at everyone present - myself, my ex-wife and our respective attorneys. She then said something to the effect of :
"I've had just about enough of this. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to make a couple of rulings now. First of all, it will not be a marriage annulment - it will be a divorce. This man was married to her for 8 years and admits he put forth this relationship as a marriage to the community during this time, so it's going to be a divorce."
My heart sank - there went my leverage, I remembered lamenting to myself. Then the Judge continued:
"Secondly, its going to be joint custody for all five children. Its clear this man is the father of these two step children in their eyes and he should continue to be an important part of their lives, so its going to be joint custody".
Suddenly, my heart began to rise. I was going to gain joint custody of all five children. This was all I cared about and I was suddenly finding it difficult to keep from smiling and saying thank you to the Judge, who only moments before I had considered my worst enemy. Suddenly, my ex-wife's attorney stood up and stated "Your honor, with all due respect, you simply cannot do this - there is no precedent in the State of California for awarding joint custody of un-adopted step children to a non-biological parent!". The Judge looked straight at this attorney and stated:
"I don't care. He is their father in their eyes and he's going to continue this relationship with them. If you don't like my ruling, you can take me up on it "[meaning you can file an appeal to the Appellate Court]." Now, I want all of you to go talk and make a settlement based on these rulings. If you are unable to do so, then come back here and I'm going to make everyone's lives miserable!".
We then all piled out of the Courtroom. Our respective attorneys went off by themselves and returned in a little more than an hour. My attorney took me aside and informed me:
"We've reached a settlement. Here is what we feel is fair, given the situation, but both of you must agree with it and you are free to continue negotiations on any of the issues. Regarding custody, it will be a traditional joint custody arrangement with all 5 children residing for one week with one parent and the next week with the other parent. Holidays will be evenly split as well. Both parents will reside in the school district. You will sell the current family home, pay your current debts and attorney's fees and split whatever is left evenly. You will equally split the contents of your home and your joint possessions. We will work out the specific details later. How do you feel about this?"
To put it mildly, I was ecstatic. I agreed completely. My attorney then instructed me to meet her outside the Courtroom the next day so we could place the settlement on the record. I left the court house in one of the best moods of my life. This nasty fight would be over, I would have joint custody of all of the children, and it was only a few days before Christmas - what a wonderful Christmas present! We would lose our home, but I had a great job and could easily rent another home in the same area. It would be exciting to let the children help choose a new home, I surmised. I left and went Christmas shopping and to get a tree. At the time, I was still residing in a small company apartment, while my ex-wife was residing in our home. I was going to have the children for Christmas at the apartment - a place they had become quite fond of, even with its small amount of space.
The next morning, I was waiting outside the court room with my attorney when my ex-wife's attorney appeared in front of us. We got up to enter the court room, but he motioned us aside and announced:
"My client has asked me to present an alternate offer of settlement to you. I have advised her against it, but she is insistent, and as her attorney, I must present it to you. You will be allowed to keep the family home and to have joint custody of all 5 children who will reside with you. She will have the children for home visitations the first three weekends of each month and for a Wednesday overnight visit. You must take responsibility for all of the debts of the marriage, including my legal fees, which I will agree to receive $5000 for..."
Before he could finish, my attorney interrupted him in a slightly annoyed voice and asked "How much does she want?". My ex-wife's attorney tried to ignore her and continued:
"You must be responsible for everything - the house, the credit card debts, all of the costs of raising the children - everything. You must also pay her a lump sum of $50,000 as a property settlement. You must pay her the $50,000 within 2 weeks or the deal is off."
Well, this sure was an interesting twist! Although I was not aware of it at the time, my ex-wife was very anxious to re-marry and had already placed an offer on a house and needed the money as a down payment. I had performed some calculations regarding the debts. Under the rules of the first settlement, where we would sell the house and pay off the debts and attorney's fees, there would not be any money left over - in fact there wasn't enough equity in our home to pay all of the debts and attorney's fees at all - both of us would walk away several thousand dollars in debt to our respective attorneys. I was happy with the initially proposed settlement as I had an excellent job and could easily recover financially - even though I would assume the complete financial responsibility for all five children. It appeared that my ex-wife did not like the prospect of walking away empty handed, money wise, although she held the same Computer Science degree from Indiana University as I, had a cosmetology license, and was about to earn a Real Estate Broker's license.
I instantly agreed to this new offer as it meant more time with the children, and we could keep our home. My attorney tried to advise me against it, as it meant a wild swing in debt towards me. Also, there was the problem of my ex-wife's insistence on coming up with $50,000 in two weeks time. This was absurd, given the prior year's custody fight. It seemed that my ex-wife was convinced I had somehow hidden away a large amount of cash somewhere, and could easily tap into this. I did have a $15,000 line of credit with a local bank for emergencies, but that was it. I didn't have a penny available, as I was living very tight, and had tapped out my credit card with Christmas shopping the night before in my new found euphoria. I disclosed all of this to my attorney who went off to negotiate with my ex-wife and her attorney. When she returned, she informed me that she had gotten the sum down to $45,000, $5000 of which would go to her attorney and the remaining amount as a $25,000 up front payment. A 10 year loan on the remaining $15,000 using our house as collateral would address the final portion of the money. I still had to come up with the $30,000, and I also had to pay my attorney some of the large balance I owed her. I decided to ask my employer for a $30,000 loan. It was only a few days before Christmas, and my then boss (the President of this large Silicon Valley software company formerly known as Micro Focus Inc.), obtained the support of our Chairman and got the Board of Directors to hold an emergency meeting and agree to a loan. It was truly a special Christmas. It took me six years to repay this loan (with interest) to the company, as well as the cost of the company apartment, where I had resided for nearly a year. The past ten months had been a true nightmare financially. After I was done paying the house payment, the family support and all of the bills I had been ordered to pay, I had an average of $200 a month to live on for a six month period - and in Silicon Valley, no less! I had got through this by staying in a company apartment, and eating breakfast, lunch and dinner in the company's free cafeteria. I had even taken the kids there sometimes when I had them overnights to eat for free. The children never knew how desperate things were financially.
This situation was compounded negatively by the fact that my ex-wife refused to pay certain bills, such as some of the utilities for our family home which were in my name. I was completely unaware of this for quite some time as overdue notices were sent to our home and my ex-wife did not share them with me. I found out only after she had nearly destroyed my credit when I was denied a loan and requested a copy of the credit report. I filed a contempt motion against her, but the court was reluctant to deal with it given the growing animosity in this case and it simply fell through the cracks.
One of the largest expenditures I made during this time was to purchase season passes to the Great America amusement park, which was not far from the apartment I was staying in. We would pack an inexpensive lunch and go to the park on $20-$30, and enjoy ourselves on many weekends. Other recreation occurred in the three swimming pools in the apartment complex and even at the duck pond in Palo Alto. One of my new customs was to stop by the local grocery store on Monday evening and buy several loaves of older bread put out in a cart and discounted heavily. We used this bread to feed the ducks in our apartment complex and at the duck pond some weekends. A loaf of bread actually would last about 20-30 minutes between the kids, and I could get them for 29 cents sometimes. We also had a great many crafts at the apartment. We would sometimes go to one of the county parks and spend the day, packing a lunch. There was one park in particular (San Mateo Memorial Park) that had giant Sequoia trees that we all enjoyed visiting often. It seemed that our real enjoyment came from just being with each other, and we could always find something interesting to do as a result. To quote a famous author, it was truly "the best of times and the worst of times", given the closeness coupled with the pressures of work, the divorce and the finances.
So now, the divorce proceedings were nearing an end (or so I thought...), and we appeared in Court to put this new settlement on the record. I was afraid that the judge would be highly irritated with this agreement, given the veracity of the custody battle we had waged over the previous ten months. Instead, she seemed relaxed, as if somehow not surprised by the results. We placed the agreement on the record only a couple of days before Christmas in 1989. I would move back into the house on New Years Day, 1990 - less than two weeks away. I could hardly wait to get back to a normal life. The end of this terrible process was in site, the children would be residing with me, and I didn't have to go through the trauma of selling the house and moving. It seemed perfect and almost too good to be true. Problem was, it was indeed too good to be true.
During the two weeks that proceeded the settlement hearing, my ex-wife did everything she could to prevent me from approaching the family home. She would request that I pick up and drop off the children on visits at a friend's house or other location far away from our home. I had a feeling as to what was going on, but I was too concerned of disturbing the soon to be homecoming to risk investigating.
I appeared at our home a few minutes before five pm on New Years Day, 1990. I had not been inside my own home for nearly six months, and I was very excited at the prospect of resuming a somewhat normal life with the children. As I drove up, my ex-wife was waiting in her car and all five children were sitting on the porch. My ex-wife immediately drove away without speaking when she saw me pull into the driveway. The children were eerily quiet. I greeted them enthusiastically and this seemed to cheer them up. I had brought along an acquaintance to act as a witness in case of any trouble - the lady realtor who had sold us the home and had seen the contents recently. My ex-wife had gone to great lengths to discourage me from coming near the house the past two weeks. As part of our agreement, we were supposed to equally divide our possessions. I was fearful that she would take more than her fair share, and I was worried about personal mementos, and the numerous tools and power tools I had acquired prior to our marriage and during.
When I entered the house, I was shocked at what I was met with. The house had been stripped nearly bare. The kitchen and the children's bedrooms were completely bare, except for a few old and stained utensils left in one of the kitchen drawers. Somewhat surprisingly, the large doubled door refrigerator had been left behind - most likely because it had taken three men to move it up to the kitchen on the delicate tile floor and install it in the first place. The children's rooms were especially depressing. We had owned expensive oak furniture and not only was it gone, but so were all of their clothes, their toys, and their personal items - the rooms and closets were completely bare.
I headed for the garage, and found that my large rolling toolbox was there, but in opening it, found it empty and devoid of the thousands of dollars of tools I had purchased during my lifetime. All of my power tools - my radial arm saw, my joiner/planer, my air compressor - everything had vanished. I then noticed that sitting where my radial arm saw used to be was a large empty box. I turned around and noted that there were large empty boxes sitting in place of the washer/dryer, and around the walls. It appeared that these empty boxes had been placed strategically to lessen the impression of an empty garage. Next, I entered the master bedroom. An old stained king-sized mattress and simple frame were centered in the room. All of the bedroom furniture had been taken. I found some of my clothes piled in a corner of a closet. The bathroom had been cleaned out - not even an old tube of toothpaste had been spared. The living room contained an old console TV that I had purchased five years before we were married and there were two old, heavily worn couches - again, strategically positioned around the room to try and remove the feeling of emptiness. The entire $5000 dining room set (table, eight chairs and a large ornate china cabinet) were gone as were all of the actual china, family pictures, mementoes, etc. The replacement cost for what was taken could easily have reached over $50,000, yet there was less than a few hundred dollars worth of old furniture left in a few places. A nearly complete job! My realtor friend was actually in tears and lamented: "It was such a beautiful house..."
In any case I asked her to make some notes about what was there as she may be called to testify in Court. She did so and departed. I turned my attention to the children who were still somewhat solemn. It always amazed me how children can pick up what is going on, even when others try to conceal it. I looked at them with a big smile and said "We're going shopping and we've got to hurry because it's a holiday!" We then piled in the station wagon and off we went to the local Target store. On the way, I lifted their spirits by involving them in a discussion of what we should buy to "camp out" in the house for a few days until we got new furniture. I told them that I would let them pick out their own new bedroom furniture later. This got them up and going again. By the time we arrived at Target, we had less than thirty minutes before closing. I sent the two oldest children with shopping carts in one area. Their mission was to get sleeping bags, pillows, sheets, comforters, bathroom tissue, toothpaste, towels, wash cloths and bathroom supplies. I went to another area to find paper plates and plastic forks and spoons, a simple set of cooking pots, a coffee maker, paper towels, pot holders, plastic cups, pizza pans, a cookie sheet, etc. It wasn't until later that I realized just how expensive it is to equip a kitchen. I had grown up working in a restaurant that my parents had owned. I had gotten myself through college on the GI bill after first spending three years in the Army, and by working as a chef at the local Holiday Inn. I loved the kitchen and cooked quite often. The prior contents of the kitchen had been acquired over many years, and when you have to replace it, it is truly amazing how quickly the tab adds up for kitchen appliances, dining sets, silverware, pots and pans, baking dishes, knives, utensils, glasses, bowls, etc. Over the next several months, I would constantly come across something missing - sometimes something as simple as a pizza cutter, other times something much more expensive like a food processor to mash potatoes or the bread maker or the electric slicer.
We returned home with the station wagon stuffed full of items meant to get us through the upcoming week. It had cost $800 which I put on my credit card. We dumped everything out in the garage and then immediately headed back out to the grocery store as we had not had room in the car for groceries on the way in. I let the children wander the aisles and select whatever they wanted or thought we needed at our leisure as the store was open twenty four hours. It was truly interesting to see some of the items they came up with and I made sure we had everything we needed. We returned home and spent a rather fun evening setting up to "camp out" in the house. As the children were excitedly putting things away and setting up for bedtime, I called my attorney at home and informed her of the situation. She was not surprised and instructed me that under no circumstances was I to turn over the settlement money to my ex-wife.
The following day, my attorney called my ex-wife's attorney, and informed him of the recent developments. He was less than helpful, so my attorney scheduled an ex-parte hearing in court for January 5th, 1990 (an "ex-parte" hearing is an emergency hearing wherein at the time you had to give the other side 4 hours notice and could appear without them even being present to secure an emergency order). My ex-wife showed up without her attorney who had sent a letter to the court indicating his inability to attend. The Judge was less than thrilled to see us again - and so quickly at that. She ordered my ex-wife to return certain items and stated that I was simply to go purchase new ones and deduct it from the $25,000 I was supposed to pay her. A somewhat humorous side issue came up when it was disclosed that my ex-wife had entered her attorney's office the day before and "wrestled the case file away from his secretary" and made off with it. When the Judge learned of this, she verified that my ex-wife had the case file out in her car and ordered a deputy to go with her and retrieve so that it could be returned to her attorney. In closing the hearing, the Judge stated to my ex-wife sternly:
"I want you to bear in mind, Mrs. H., that I am going to be the person that is going to be hearing all of the motions on this case, I have a general idea of what is going on. I feel fairly secure in my assessment of the evidence and the positions of the parties, and that your cooperation is going to be valued and important to you. And the reverse of that is if you play games with the court, it is going to hurt you. All right."
The following evening, I was surprised by a sheriff's deputy who appeared at my door at home. He stated he had been called to this address. As I was informing him that I had not called him, my ex-wife pulled into the driveway in her Toyota van. She jumped out of the van and announced that she was returning stuff as ordered and that the deputy was her witness. The deputy, obviously annoyed, stated "Lady, I ain't nobody's witness." She ignored him and began emptying her van of what appeared to be a pile of junk - an old baby crib, some old pots and pans, some old plates, etc. I explained to the deputy what was going on. As she pulled out of the driveway, he smiled nicely at me, winked and stated: "Looks like she just dumped a bunch of junk in your driveway." I took his card and thanked him for his patience. I then called my attorney and she instructed me to go shopping for furniture and necessities the following day. I took the entire pile of junk my ex-wife had left me and placed it with the trash that week. Nothing in the pile was usable.
The following day, we went furniture and clothes shopping. I spent $8,000. I let the children select their own bedroom furniture, got a new kitchen table and chairs, a decent TV set, a washer and dryer, and a couch. I also bought kitchen appliances, dishes, a good set of pots and pans, baking dishes, etc. When my ex-wife found out, she got quite upset and threatened to file an appeal of the entire process and to take the step children away from me if I didn't give her all of the money immediately. I simply ignored her and decided to let the court deal with it. I didn't realize how serious the appellate process could be, and did not feel threatened. Soon thereafter, I learned that she had fired her attorney, filed a malpractice suit against him and began a fresh round of litigation intent on getting the money and securing sole custody of the two step children. During this process, the court actually appointed an attorney to represent the interests of the children. You really haven't experienced true divorce hell until you attend a court hearing where there are not only two, but actually three separate attorneys all arguing different sides of a case. The resulting hearings lasted over a nine month period and were extreme and truly nightmarish. At the end of this process, the Court ordered me to pay my ex-wife $20,000, ignoring its previous order to shop and deduct the full cost of new furniture and necessities from the amount I owed her. Soon after I paid her the $20,000, she filed an appeal of the entire process, mainly focused on regaining sole custody of the two step children, as well as going after other property she felt she was due, such as my retirement plan, and even airline frequent flier miles. At first, I thought this was all pretty silly. She had given me the children, violated the divorce settlement in numerous ways, and caused the children a great deal of trauma. Then my attorney informed me of how serious this appeal was - that I actually stood a good chance of losing custody of the 2 step children. I needed to find a good appellate attorney, and fast. Given my increasing legal bills and my declining income, my lower court attorney removed herself from the case, and I had to begin representing myself in late 1991 in the lower Court. Representing myself was quite a challenge, but I became quite good at it over the years.
I received a recommendation for my appellate attorney from an unlikely place. I did not realize at the time that the name and phone number I was given was for one of the top appellate attorneys in all of California, an individual that even my ex-wife's appellate attorney would refer to as "my esteemed attorney". I called this attorney and explained my situation. He informed me that he would accept the case, but I would have to first pay him a lump sum of $20,000. I had no available funds, so I refinanced the house - a process which was hindered by my ex-wife's refusal to sign over her prior interest in the house. We had to have a hearing in Court where she was threatened with contempt before I was able to secure the quitclaim deed from her. Meanwhile, my salary at work was decreasing steadily as it was largely based upon the company's performance, which had begun to take a downward turn. I began to be unable to pay bills and the house payment in a timely manner, owed thousands of dollars in attorney's fees, and had just refinanced the house to come up with an additional $20,000 to pay my appellate attorney. I was digging a deep hole financially - one that I would later find staring me in the face.
I did not meet my appellate attorney until the day of oral arguments for the appeal. I had mailed him everything he had requested, and he had been working on the case for several months. It was now February of 1992. He had explained to me that it appeared that no person in the history of California had been awarded custody of un-adopted step children and that we faced an uphill battle, and that the odds were not good. He explained to me that his opinion of the three justices that would be deciding the case was that one would most likely agree with us while another - the older conservative justice would not. This left the chief justice as the swing vote. The major issue was whether or not the lower Court had the jurisdiction to award custody of children to a non-biological step parent. It seemed that it made little difference that my ex-wife had given me the children to raise. It seems that under the law, people are not allowed to give (confer) jurisdiction to a Court - the Court either has jurisdiction over a particular issue or not, as defined by the laws of the state. And if it doesn't have jurisdiction, then it is not allowed to make a ruling outside of its jurisdiction - even if the parties agree. This is known as subject matter jurisdiction in legal terms. This was the issue at the heart of my ex-wife's appeal. She was claiming that even though she had chosen to give me the children, the Court should not have allowed her to do so. To make matters worse, a recent appellate court decision was quoted extensively by my ex-wife's attorney. It related to a lesbian couple that had a child conceived by artificial insemination and had signed an agreement to raise the child as equal parents. If they split up, so read the agreement, the non-mother would have visitation rights. Well, they had split up and the non-mother attempted to gain visitation via her signed agreement with the mother. She had been a parent to this child for some eight years, as I recollect. The court had turned her down, completely disregarding the signed agreement on visitation because she was not a biological parent. This case was now being applied towards my situation.
During the oral arguments in this appeal, the conservative justice suddenly surprised everyone by stating to my attorney:
"I don't understand your opponent's arguments. Everyday in California, we have situations where Mom dies, or Mom goes to Jail, or Mom goes to the hospital for an extended period, and the court must select someone else to care for the children if another parent is not available or unwilling to do so. Often this is an Uncle or Aunt or grandparent or sibling. Sometimes it is a neighbor or close family friend. If I understand your opponent's argument, then the Court does not have the right to do such. Is this correct?"
Upon hearing this statement, my heart leapt with joy - "Yes!", I thought - the Court is on my side, and this is the guy we thought would go against us. The case was in the bag, I convinced myself. But then, my attorney completely extinguished my hope by stating:
"Actually, I agree with my opponent's comments on this subject and respectfully disagree with you, your honor".
I simply could not believe this! He was being handed the case on a silver platter, yet he was rejecting it. I tried in vain to get his attention (in appellate court, you do not sit up front with your attorney - only the attorneys sit in front of the court and address it, unless a party is representing him or her self). He seemed to be ignoring me! And here I had paid this fellow $20,000. I was steamed.
His remark seemed to infuriate the conservative justice and they became involved in a strong irritable argument over the law that I quickly found myself lost in. When the arguments were over, I couldn't wait to get my hands on him. Why had he sabotaged the case? This made utterly no sense to me. As we left the Court room, he could sense my obvious frustration. Once outside, he turned to me and completely cut me off and said:
"I suppose you are wondering why I didn't agree with that justice regarding the court's ability to decide who a child should reside with."
"You're darn right I am!" I retorted. He responded:
"Well, unfortunately, the justice was not talking about custody of a child - he was talking about legal guardianship, which is often temporary in nature and can typically be revoked by the biological parent at any time. You see, the issue of non-biological parents gaining custody in this state has always been a legal bombshell. It impacts not only step-children, but also adoption cases. The Courts do not want to make a decision that could set a legal precedent, and instead look to the state legislature to pass a specific law. The state legislature does not want to deal with such a political bombshell and have ignored the issue, hoping the Court's will find a way to deal with it on a case by case basis. The justice inside was not talking about custody when he made those statements - instead, he was talking about guardianship. He does not want to make a custody decision in this case. Instead, he would like to remand (return) this case to the lower court for a guardianship hearing. And in a contested guardianship hearing, you would be forced to show that your ex-wife is an unfit parent - something I believe would be difficult. So I decided that given all of this, you did not want to be dragged through guardianship hearings, and given that you would probably not prevail on such anyway, I decided to force this court to make a decision. As I stated earlier, I believe the conservative justice will vote against us while the rather quiet justice will vote for us. The key is the chief justice who is very intellectual, and I cannot tell which way he is inclined to go. We'll have to wait and see."
With that explanation I was stunned, and learned to truly appreciate this expert in his profession. We parted company, and I have not seen him since, although I've spoken on the phone to him a couple of times over the years. He remains a remarkable person. I now had to begin the wait for a decision from the Appellate Court. They had up to ninety days to prepare their decision. I would begin to live each day knowing that I could receive a phone call regarding a decision at anytime which could order me to return the step children to their mother and possibly never see them again. It was a very difficult time. My company was continuing to slide downwards financially and it was having a terrible impact on my salary. The bill collectors were calling daily - some multiple times - and harassing me.
Bill collectors are an interesting sort. I guess its the epitome of a thankless job and this hardens them up quickly. They seemed to have cared less about what I was going through, and I guess I can't really blame them. Their job was to collect money - not to console me. My misfortune had no bearing upon their responsibility. One company in particular was especially nasty. I would sometimes receive five or six calls a day demanding payment - all from different individuals who worked for the same company - each acting as if they were unaware the others had called. I finally devised a technique that I began using which finally proved successful. When I received a call, I would inform them that I would be paid on a certain date and that I had written a check and placed in in an envelope and that I had x number of envelopes in the stack representing x number of dollars in checks (which was much more than my next paycheck would be). I then told them where the envelope containing their next check was currently located in the stack, and informed them that if I received a single call from them again prior to me receiving my next paycheck, I would simply move their envelope to the bottom of stack (meaning they would have to wait another two weeks to collect anything). For those who initially attempted to continue to harass me, I simply informed them that I had bankruptcy papers prepared and any attempt by them to seize anything would be met with a filing of bankruptcy. I implemented this policy very strictly and although I received all kinds of threats of immediate foreclosure and repossession, the calls slowly dwindled down until I began to rarely hear from many of these people. I paid as promised when I could. I also found that with some companies, sending even a small partial payment, even though it often represented a drop in the bucket, seemed to help soften them, and some became less abrasive as a result. The most significant problem, however, remained the company who held the mortgage on my house. When I became more than one payment behind, they refused to accept back payments. Instead, they insisted that if I sent any money, it be for all back payments at once, which became more and more difficult to do. Finally, I gave up dealing with them for the short term, which allowed me to get up to date with my other creditors. It was a difficult decision, but it seemed a bit silly to hold money in the bank for a creditor who didn't want it, when I could instead appease other creditors.
Another form of stress that arose from this situation was that I locked my car in the garage every evening and never parked it in the driveway where it might be snatched by a repossessor. When I had to drive my car somewhere, I was constantly looking over my shoulder to see if someone was following me. When I went to my office, I would park my car far away and walk or even take a cab sometimes to prevent it from being taken. It was extremely stressful to go through this. At one point, I had a rather threatening burly pair of individuals appear on my doorstep and attempt to enter my house when I opened the door. I had to place my body in their path to stop them and informed them that they were not to enter my home. For a brief moment I was literally in fear of my life and I yelled to my children to dial 911. The two individuals immediately departed. My attorney later informed me that these people were not allowed to enter a home to forcefully retrieve any item in dispute by law. I used this knowledge later when someone appeared on my doorstep. I would simply yell through the glass in my door for them to leave or I would call the police when I determined they were attempting to repossess something. Interesting enough, I found that simply keeping a video camera handy by the door was the most effective weapon. Simply telling them to leave is enough to get them in trouble if they refuse to do so, and when they saw the video camera rolling thought the window and heard me state they were to leave immediately, they would typically turn and high tail it away.
In late April of 1992, I answered the phone and a voice stated somewhat excitedly "You get to keep the kids!" I was stunned at first not recognizing the voice nor fully grasping the meaning of her statement. Suddenly I realized it was my ex-lower Court attorney. I responded "Huh?". She said again:
"You get to keep the kids. The appellate decision in your case just came down and you get to keep the kids! Give me a fax number and I'll fax it to you."
So in a few minutes I was reading the decision. While it contained quite a bit of legal "mumbo-jumbo" I did not understand, it reaffirmed the lower Court's decision to award me joint custody of the step children. It also denied my ex-wife's other requests for money and such. It seemed I had won a complete victory. Now I could begin my life yet again and put the ugly Court battle behind me. Unfortunately, this once again proved to be a bit of a fantasy.
In response to losing the appeal, my ex-wife became even more vindictive in Court and with the children. Although she had moved out of the school district, she decided that she would not take the children to school on the school mornings that she had them. She insisted that me or my nanny make a long drive over to her new residence on these mornings to pick up the children. She then began harassing the nanny by not having the children ready and forcing her to wait long periods of time. Finally, my nanny had had enough of this and refused to pick them up, having been forced to get up at five thirty a.m. to do so. She had volunteered to do this out of the goodness in her heart and to help the children, whom she was getting very close to. However, I could not always pick them up given my job responsibilities, and one morning I called my ex-wife and told her she would have to take them to school or I would be forced to go to court over the issue. She refused and the Court responded by curtailing her time with the children. Instead of coming home on Monday mornings on weekends she had them, we now picked the children up on Sunday nights. The Wednesday overnight visit was stopped as well. it seemed that the Court was trying to send a message to her to cooperate, but each time this happened, she did something even more extreme than the last.
One of the most dismal episodes came shortly thereafter. As part of our original divorce settlement, the children were to see a child psychologist selected by the court. I paid all of these costs and it was quite expensive. The psychologist quickly realized that my step daughter was quite emotionally fragile and that she was literally terrified of her mother. She decided to try to work and repair this problem. The children all hated to go to the frequent visits to the psychologist. They had previously been challenged by their mother with "Why did you tell the court?", which was a reference to information they had confided in the psychologist winding up in court (typically, events that took place that were considered harmful to the children and had to be reported by law). One day, however, I was surprised when my step daughter requested to go see the psychologist immediately. I called the lady and informed her. She told me to bring my step daughter to her office as soon as possible, so off we went. During this visit, I was caught quite off guard when the psychologist emerged from her private session with my step daughter and announced to me:
"I have some wonderful news. Your step daughter wants to go live with her mother."
My heart almost stopped. I simply couldn't believe it. I looked at my step daughter and she seemed somewhat pleased with herself. I decided I would not try to stop her if she really wanted to do this. She had been through enough stress in her short lifetime to fill most adult's lives. The psychologist then dropped a second bombshell on me by stating:
"There's only one problem with this. She will not go unless her brother (my step son) goes with her. You are going to have to convince him to do so because he has told me he doesn't want to go. I've already called the children's attorney and told her what's going on, however."
Now here was a truly distressing situation! I was supposed to convince my step son that he and his sister whom I had mortgaged my emotional and financial life for should now go live with their mother?! I simply could not believe this cruel twist of fate. And interestingly enough, we had a court hearing the very next day where the children's court appointed attorney was supposed to deliver her final custody recommendation for all of the children. It was silly of me not to have connected these events. After we returned home, I took my step son out for a walk. I informed him that I had a terrible problem and explained that his sister had told the psychologist that she wanted to go live with their mother. His response to this startled me. He simply laughed it off and said:
"Yeah, they tried that to me too".
I inquired back: "Tried what...?".
My step son then began to explain how his mother and her new husband had taken first he and then his sister into a bedroom and informed them that if they did not tell the court they wanted to come and live with them, he and his sister would never be allowed to see their mother again. Upon returning from our walk, I spoke with my step daughter and asked her if what her brother had told me was true. She started crying and said yes. She also said she really didn't want to live with her mother but that she didn't want to never see her again. I called the children's court appointed attorney and explained the situation. She had me bring the two step children to her office immediately where she interviewed them privately and informed me that she was convinced they were telling the truth about their mother and her new husband trying to coerce them. The next day in Court, the court appointed attorney recommended that all five children continue to reside with me. Interestingly enough, both my attorney and the children's court appointed attorney agreed not to disclose to the Judge exactly what had happened at this point. My attorney explained to me that she was afraid the Judge's reaction would be to move to protect the children from this horrific form of emotional abuse and might not allow my ex-wife to see the children again in an effort to protect them. She felt that the children would still benefit from having contact with their mother. I reluctantly agreed. The children's court appointed psychologist resigned from the case as a result.
My ex-wife now began to pursue things on the financial front, as well as to continue to harass the children. I had recently prevailed in my ex-wife's second appeal representing myself in late 1992. It was quite a feat for a non-legally educated pro per litigant to win in the appellate court against my ex-wife's Harvard Law School educated appellate attorney. She was shot down on all of the numerous issues she had presented in her second appeal. The lower court later placed her under supervised visitation, wherein she could only visit with the children at a county operated center where they would be observed. This was a somewhat strange situation, but I was very happy at the existence of this center. I had to arrive at the visitation center at a certain time to drop the children off and leave before my ex-wife appeared. She would sit in a closely monitored room and spend time with the children, and then had to leave before I returned to pick them up. She really hated this, although the children seemed to respond quite well to this and even seemed to stabilize greatly as a result of this protective environment. My ex-wife evidently could not allow this to continue and she began refusing to come. At one point, she was evidently turned away when she showed up with a video camera insisting that she be allowed to tape the visitation, which was against the policy of the visitation center.
Unfortunately, her friends evidently began harassing the children by calling our home, and there was a large demonstration by her Islamic friends at the court house during one of the subsequent hearings. It seems that my ex-wife had convinced these people that the Court had taken her children away because she was a Muslim, and this had struck a strong fire of outrage among these misinformed people. During a hearing in which many of these people came into the Court room, the Judge even attempted to tell them she had not made a custody award in this case - that my ex-wife had given me custody, and that they could go read the record and transcripts themselves. Still, they complained and some of them especially attempted to harass the older children. One of the many court appointed experts who had worked on this case (a psychologist) informed me one day:
"You'll never be able to protect these children from this form of harassment - you should consider asking the court to allow you to move away with the children. This is the only way they will ever find any peace."
This represented quite a complex decision on my part. If I chose to ask the court for permission to move away with the children, I would be forced to first gain sole custody. This meant a renewed custody battle and the chance that I could lose custody all together if I went ahead with a move. On the other hand, I was battling creditors and in fear of losing our home, falling behind on bills again given my declining salary. The end of the court battle seemed nowhere in sight (my ex-wife was filing appeals again). By this time, I was representing myself in both the lower and appellate courts. My ex-wife had gone through numerous attorneys in the lower court and had a Harvard Law School degreed appellate attorney handling her appeals. It was a very stressful period. I decided that I would motion the Court for sole custody and permission to move back to my home state of Indiana. My company agreed to support me and allow me to work remotely, but I realized that this could not go on for long and that I was in effect giving up my twelve year career there to protect the children. The upside to moving back to Indiana was that I would be near my parents and lifelong friends and would have a strong support network for myself and the children. It was also a far less expensive place to live.
My ex-wife and her attorneys waged a fierce battle over these motions. They forced all of us to undergo an expensive psychological evaluation. The battle lasted a year, but in February of 1994, the court agreed to allow me to have sole custody of all five children, and to move to Bloomington, Indiana, where I reside today. Unfortunately, the decision came too late to allow me to salvage my financial situation. This was caused in large part by the inflexibility of the mortgage company, who emerged as the true "bad guy" in my situation. They had refused to accept back payments, instead insisting upon a single larger payment representing the entire amount owed plus interest and penalties. This amount grew and grew over the months as a result. In an effort to find an honorable way out, coupled with my ex-wife's successful efforts to delay the court granting me permission to move to Indiana, I decided to try to sell our home. I took a week off from work and painted the entire inside and outside of our home. I had the carpets cleaned and cleaned house. I then put the house up for sale. We received a fully guaranteed offer some weeks later ("guaranteed" meaning that another bank had agreed to finance the buyer's offer). To make things even better, the prospective buyers lived a few blocks away in our community and were negotiable as to when we had to move out. it was possible that I could continue to reside in the house and pay rent while awaiting a court decision regarding my request to move. If the court denied my motion, I would have to move anyway, because I could not continue to hold the mortgage company at bay for much longer, unless some financial miracle occurred.
The mortgage company, however (or I should state that it evidently was the attorneys representing them...), refused to allow the sale to go through. Their reasoning was that because the offer at hand was more than enough to pay off the outstanding principal, it was slightly less than enough to pay off the principal, all of the back payments and the interest and penalties I owed them, after I paid the realtor's fees. As I remember, this amount in question was less than five percent of the actual purchase price, which would have been a small write-off, and represented back payments and penalties that they would not collect in any regard given my deteriorating financial situation. It seemed quite ridiculous to me, and the deal fell through as a result (I was effectively broke at this time and could not pay the difference, and the buyers were not willing to increase their offer). Shortly thereafter, the Mortgage Company filed a foreclosure action against me.
Being now faced with an uncertain future regarding my request to move back to Indiana, coupled with the possibility of being tossed out of my home along with our five children, I filed for bankruptcy. It was a bitter pill to swallow. My ex-wife was complimenting the misery by filing court motions demanding a re-division of the community property, chasing after my 401K retirement account (which had already been agreed to be left alone), and even chasing after airline frequent flier miles. I had creditors calling, and now faced the prospect of becoming homeless in Silicon Valley (one of the most expensive housing markets in the world). I was thus forced to throw in the towel in filing for bankruptcy to delay the mortgage company somewhat. I could only pray that the court would soon grant my motion to move. I made this decision in early 1994. As noted above, in February of that same year, the Court granted my motion to move back to Indiana with all five children.
The court hearing during which my motion to move was one of the most emotional days in this long story. I was representing myself, and my ex-wife had a rather fiery attorney who was not pulling any punches legally to fight this. He had forced the court to appoint a psychologist (the forth to come into the case), who had spent a great deal of time with all of us trying to get to the bottom of things and make a recommendation to the court regarding all of this. I would be forced to perform my first cross examination this day. Fortunately, this psychologist had provided an extensive and well written recommendation to the court, which was to my advantage. She was recommending that I be awarded sole custody and be allowed to move back to Indiana with all five children.
My ex-wife, however, in her seemingly endless resourcefulness, had found a sympathetic Psychiatrist who evidently was a member of her Islamic community and worked at the Stanford Hospital no less, who was trying to take apart the court ordered psychologist's report. He had evidently spent a whopping two hours with my ex-wife, and even though he had never met the children, was recommending custody to her. This was so obviously bizarre that I later filed a complaint against him with the medical board who simply denied it - once again illustrating the value of the "foxes guarding the chickens".
To add to an already emotionally charge hearing, a few hours into it, my 16 year old step son suddenly entered the room quietly and took up a seat at the back of the court room. I sat there stunned for a bit, yet nobody in the room seemed surprised by his presence. I suddenly had a fear that he had been subpoenaed by the court to testify against the move. He had made it clear that he did not want to move to Indiana and leave his high school and friends behind. He was also fearful that he would never see his mother again.
And he he was now sitting there listening to some rather ugly testimony from the court ordered psychologist, who evidently had not seen him step into the room. After a few minutes, I suddenly became very angry. Whether or not he had been summoned to the court made little difference to me. He was sitting there listening to a psychologist explain why she felt his mother was not stable in her opinion. No child should hear this, so I motioned for the bailiff to come over, whom had grown quite friendly with me over the years. I informed him as to who was sitting behind me and voiced my protest. The bailiff immediately went to the clerk of the court who was sitting next to the judge at the lower desk. He whispered in her ear what was going on. She looked at me somewhat in shock, and then after a few moments gained the judge's attention who had been turned away from her cross examining the court ordered psychologist. She whispered up to the judge, evidently informing her of my step son's presence.
The judge immediately paused the hearing and looked back at my step son, calling out his first named and stating:
"It's so nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Unfortunately, these hearings are very contentious. Do you know what this means? It means that it is not a good idea for you to be hear listening to this. I'm going to ask you to go outside and wait until this hearing is over. Will you do that, please?"
My step son stood up, and with a somewhat shake voice looked directly at the judge and said:
"You're talking about my life and I've got something to say!"
While I was obviously quite irritated at what was going on, I felt a slight bit of pride that he had the courage to do what he was doing. I knew he didn't want to move, but I felt I had little choice. Once again, my ex-wife was manipulating the situation to make me appear as the bad guy.
The judge responded to my step son by asking him to relax for a moment and calling myself and my ex-wife's attorney up to her desk for a side bar. She looked at me and said:
"He shouldn't be here. I'm going to order the bailiff to remove him from the court room. He shouldn't be listening to these proceedings!"
I surprised the judge by responding:
"I don't think that would be the best idea, your honor. He's come all the way down his to speak his mind. It's rather obvious why he's here and I know what he's going to say. he going to say he doesn't want to move to Indiana. He doesn't want to leave his high school because he currently in the running to be a valedictorian. He doesn't want to leave his friends. he's afraid he'll never see his mother again - this sort of stuff. I can't blame him, and I understand his discontent, but I still believe its best for him. If you refuse to hear what he has to say, he'll hold his anger inside for the rest of his life. I think you should hear him out"
The judge sat back for a moment in her chair and pondered the situation. After a few moments, she leaned forward and asked me:
"What did you mean when you said it was obvious why he was here?"
I looked her in the eye and informed her:
"Well, I certainly didn't tell him there was a hearing today, and I've never told him where the court house was, so I think it pretty obviously who did tell him and in whose best interest it would be if he showed up and did this...."
The judge immediately glared at my ex-wife's attorney, whose face suddenly went white and exclaimed:
"Your honor, I had absolutely nothing to do with this!"
He appeared truly terrified and I couldn't help but chuckle inside, even if it was I who might be placed in a pickle by this situation. The judge sat back again and pondered. She leaned close to us again and stated:
"OK - I'll hear what he has to say, but you will both have to stipulate that I can talk to him alone in my chambers."
I could see that my ex-wife's attorney seemed pleased by this as he agreed and I gave my OK as well. With that the judge asked my step son to accompany her to her chambers and off they went. A few minutes later, the judge reappeared and called myself and my ex-wife's attorney back up to a second side bar. She told us:
"This is our first time in this new fangled court room. It's completely automated. There's no court reporter because it is being video taped. The judge's chamber has similar sort of automated recording device as well, and I can't figure out how to use it. I tried finding a court reporter and there are none available. So you are both going to have to stipulate that this will be an unreported conference."
I responded "No problem, your honor", but my ex-wife's attorney seemed rather upset. He began to hem and haw a bit about this, and the judge looked sternly at him and said:
"OK - there will be no conference between us - I will simply have the bailiff remove him, which was my initial instinct..."
My ex-wife's attorney, evidently realizing that this was his only chance to have my step son tell the judge he didn't want to move, quickly retorted:
"No, it's OK - I'll stipulate to an unreported conference".
With that, the judge went back into her chambers and spent about 15 minutes with my step son. When they emerged, my step son was crying softly, and the judge was wiping back tears. I never asked my step son what was said in there and he never told me as well.
After taking her seat back at her desk, the judge looked at my step son and said in a soft, almost motherly voice:
"Would you now please go wait outside?"
My step son quickly left the room with no argument. I looked over at my ex-wife who was beaming a smile ear to ear. She seemed to think that she had done well.
There was a bit more testimony from the experts, and the judge retired for a few minutes to make her decision. When she came back out, I had a terrible feeling of dread come over me. She looked so stoic and cold. It appeared that my step son had gotten to her and I would be denied my request to move to Indiana with the children, or even worse yet, maybe she would attempt to split the children up letting my step son stay with his mother and allow me to move with four of the children, which is something I could never do.
After a few tense moments, the judge announced her decision. I was presently surprised when she ordered that I be granted sole custody of all five children and be allowed to relocate to Indiana with them.
After the hearing, I was completely drained emotionally. It had lasted several hours and had been a terribly hard fought victory, but for some strange reason and felt a blanket of despair come over me. I had to lighten up, however, because my step son was waiting outside the court room and I would have to drive him home, which took about 40 minutes. We would be close together in the car and it would be uncomfortable for both of us. I wasn't even sure he would be there, as my ex-wife left the room quickly in tears.
As I exited the courtroom, there he was. I felt so very bad for him. I knew in my heart that I was doing the best thing for him, given the circumstances, but I doubted he would ever understand it. One of the court experts had argued with me some years back that you cannot be a best friend and parent to a child at the same time. Maybe I was getting a taste of this for the first time.
In any regards I smiled weakly at him and said, "let go" and he obligingly fell in behind me. it was very tense pulling out in the car and I simply looked at him and told him that I understand why he had done what he had, and that I admired his courage. I told him about the ruling and that we would be moving quickly as a result. I told him that we were just about to be kicked out of our house by the mortgage company. He seemed to understand. He was always such a good kid. It's really terrible that things like have to happen to such good kids. We would hopefully put all of this behind us as we started out new lives in Indiana.
I had almost made it out of California without filing bankruptcy, but unfortunately, the mortgage company had forced my hand. I still wince at thinking about this, as I am convinced that the mortgage company lost more money as a result of their cold actions, as opposed to having approved the sale of the home. I guess there was probably some justice in this fact, but the bottom line is that the attorneys representing the mortgage company most likely made much more money forcing me through this process, and I still find this reprehensible.
Fortunately, I was now able to leave California with the children. I decided to move quickly, before my wife could file yet another appeal, although I don't believe that the appellate court would grant her a stay forcing me to continue to reside in California given our circumstances. It was spring break at school and I transported the four youngest children to my parents home in Indiana, and returned to California to take care of vacating the house, which was about to be turned over to the mortgage company. This also allowed my step son to spend three more weeks with his friends, who he did not want to leave. I took a risk not taking him back to Indiana with the other four children. I was worried that he might run away or disappear with his friends helping to hide him out. He had really wonderful friends and I had grown close to some of them over the years. I was not looking forward to potentially being drawn into any problem with them. Fortunately, my step son were there by my side when I needed him to help prepare for our move.
Because I was broke and in bankruptcy, I could not afford to pay a professional mover. Instead, I was forced to pack up myself, and rent a large Ryder truck and had planned to drive back, with my son driving one car, our nanny driving another one, and me towing a third. I had planned well, by installing CB radios in all of the vehicles so we could communicate as we drove the long distance back to Indiana.
The first problem that occurred was that the Ryder truck was not big enough - and I had rented their largest truck. So we held a hasty garage sale and got rid of many items that I wish I could have kept - and for pennies on the dollar no less. So at about nine p.m. one evening we finally all pulled out with me driving the Ryder truck. A more serious problem occurred quickly. The Ryder truck would not accelerate to over 25 miles per hour going up a slight incline - and I would have to drive over the Sierra Nevada's and the Rocky Mountains! After less than 10 miles I pulled the Ryder truck over in a shopping center and parked it for the night. We turned around and went back to the house that I had just said goodbye to. We slept in sleeping bags that night. Early the next morning, I called the Ryder truck rental which was near the shopping center. They came over and took the fully loaded truck back to their facility to check it out. An hour later I anxiously answered the telephone. Seems that we had loaded the Ryder truck too well - it was 33% overweight. Even if it had been powerful enough to cope with the load, we would never have been allowed out of the first weigh station we would have encountered at the Nevada border.
Now I had a real problem. Neither my step son nor our nanny, who was also relocating with us, could drive a separate Ryder truck if we split the load, and the expense would be doubled as well. I had little choice. I called my boss at work and explained the situation to him. An hour later he called back and informed me that I could bill this as a company sponsored move, but would have to pay the company back. I had already been paying the company back for the large loan they had provided me to buy out my divorce and for the ten months I spent in the company apartment during the time I was separated from my ex-wife waiting for the trial. Now I would have another ten or twelve thousand dollars added on.
The next challenge was to find a professional mover who could come by quickly and offload the Ryder truck and take our stuff. And I was still paying for the Ryder truck each day it sat there. Fortunately, the Ryder people were very understanding and let me out of my contract. We also got lucky and found a major mover who redirected a driver with a half load to our location and we spent a day moving our load onto his truck.
This all took a couple of days and school was scheduled to start up in Indiana for my step son. After all of this grief, I simply chose to fly back to Indiana with him. Our nanny chose to drive one of the cars cross country and I gave her enough cash to get her through.
My father volunteered to fly one way from Indiana to California and drive both cars back - towing the VW Rabbit behind the much larger Chevy Suburban I had traded the station wagon in on shortly after our divorce trial. He loved to drive and I greatly appreciated his help. Meanwhile my step son and I finally made it to Indiana.
The day after court ruled that I could relocate to Indiana, my parents, who resided in Indiana, immediately sold a farm they had purchased for an investment. They used the proceeds as a down payment to obtain a loan on our new home in Indiana, which they selected for us. This new house had eight bedrooms, three full bathrooms, an in-ground pool, a jacuzzi and a half acre of land. It was perfect, as our California house was much smaller and a bit cramped. Better yet, the new Indiana house cost one third of what the California home was worth. My parents took out a loan in their name given my credit situation. We moved into it in March of 1994.
Our furniture was scheduled to arrive a week after my step son and I had arrived in Indiana. My parents had purchased some furniture on credit for us - a decent kitchen table and chairs, two matching couches (including a sleeper) and a new bedroom suite for me. They had also purchased a stove with oven. There was no refrigerator as we were waiting for ours from California. All of my business computer equipment was also on the moving truck.
We basically relaxed for this week and got to know our new surroundings. The children seemed to love the new house and were taking quite well to it. I was worried about my step son, however, who seemed depressed. Fortunately, in a reasonably short time he was surrounded with new friends and even having parties at our home. It was remarkable how well he adapted and it says a lot for him.
Seems like things were finally going our way. When our furniture arrived, we would get unpacked and have a wonderful new home. Problem was - our furniture didn't arrive. To make things worse, a second full week went by and it still didn't arrive. I was all over the moving company. We were being charged a premium because of our emergency in California - and now our furniture had disappeared. That's right - it had disappeared! The moving company could not find the truck or the driver. They explained this to us. So we sat for two weeks until one day they called and informed us he had been found and was going to drop off the following day.
Boy, was I going to give this guy a piece of my mind! I couldn't wait to tear into him and let him know how much trouble and discomfort he has caused. When he finally pulled up and got out, I immediately demanded to know where he had been with my furniture. As he looked at me to respond, I could see tears swelling up in his eyes. He looked right through me and said:
"Children's Protective Services were threatening to come and take my children away because I was never home. When I found out, I drove home, parked the truck and waited until I thought it was OK to leave. What could I do?! - I couldn't lose my children"
This hit me emotionally like a large mallet over the head. What could I say - especially after what I had been through? I looked at him and told him I was sorry I jumped on him. He smiled weakly and we just started unloading stuff. We were finally home and it suddenly felt good.
My ex-wife had been granted 8 hours of supervised visitation once every 60 days in Indiana and I had even volunteered to pay for her plane ticket and the visitation supervisor. On her final visit with the children in California at the visitation center, she announced to them she would not see them again until they turned 18 years old. This upset them very much, but I told them that she loved them and would come to see them in Indiana. It took almost a year for her to do so, but she finally did. She came only three times in over two years, however.
Just prior to moving to Indiana in March of 1994, I motioned the court to declare my ex-wife a vexatious litigant. This is a special statute in California, whereby someone who is deemed to have a pattern of filing frivolous or unmeritorious litigation designed to harass another and/or waste the time and resources of the court can be forced to post a bond with any future motion they may bring. This bond is then utilized by the other party to pay for the costs in defending the motion. Its kind of like being awarded attorney's fees and costs in advance. It is designed not to prevent someone from filing motions and having their day in court, but rather to make them think about what their actual chances of having their motions granted versus simply burning their own money instead of the other party's. My motion was granted and my ex-wife was ordered to post a bond of $2000 which would be paid to me to cover my travel expenses and other related costs of coming back to California to respond to her future litigation attempts. The Court also had previously issued an order stating that only the current judge would hear motions in this case - no other Court would do so. This was intended to prevent my ex-wife from running to another judge or court who knew nothing about the case and attempting to start duplicate litigation, which she had attempted on multiple occasions in the past.
The following year, it became apparent that my job was in serious jeopardy with my employer of 12 years. I decided to file a motion in the California lower court seeking child support. I had been forced to expend thousands of dollars as a result of my ex-wife's malicious actions, had lost our home in California and been forced into bankruptcy. Now it would her turn to play the role of responding. I was granted child support in the amount of $1248 per month in September of 1995. She responded to this by filing her sixth appeal, claiming that a mother who wanted to stay home and raise a new family could not be ordered to pay child support. Nearly two years later, my ex-wife was in arrears in excess of $20,000 and had made only a single $20 payment during this time. Unbeknownst to me, she had been attending law school in California and expending thousands of dollars on this while ignoring her child support obligations. She also continued to expend thousands of dollars in attorneys fees pursuing her vexatious litigation against me. The local California District Attorney's office in California had been less than cooperative in enforcing the child support order, as had been the US District Attorney's office. A local FBI agent who was assigned the case to investigate had told me candidly "If you are an out-of-state parent owed child support by someone residing in California, you might well as not even exist.". Boy, had this proven to be true!
As a custodial parent armed with a valid child support order, I had initially felt comfortable that given the serious nature of child support, government enforcement agencies would be lining up on my behalf to collect the child support my ex-wife was refusing to pay. She was residing openly in her community in California in a new home she and her new husband had purchased in 1994. She had a newly leased car, and was able to support herself through law school, as well as pay her attorneys. Surely, any child support enforcement agency would be able to easily collect the funds she owed our children. Unfortunately, I quickly ran into what I suspect many other custodial parents face in collecting child support - a local district attorney's office that was overwhelmed with case load and unwilling to take any action in a case where they actually would have to investigate her finances.
I had been awarded child support in September of 1995. By November of that year, my ex-wife had refused to pay a single penny of child support. I personally traveled to California and presented myself at the local District Attorney's office responsible for her area of residence - Contra Costa County. I filled out and submitted a request for enforcement activity, including all necessary papers, such as the original court order for support. I was forced to appear personally there because at the time, their telephone system was designed to ensure that no caller could actually talk to a live body. After filling out and submitting the paperwork and receiving a case number, I was informed that because I lived out of state, I must file a URESA petition with my local Indiana Prosecutor's office. URESA is a federal statute that defines how states should cooperate with each other in child support collection activities when the parents reside in separate states. I attempted to point out to the Contra Costa County's DA office that this was not a URESA case, as the child support order had been made in California, the debtor parent resided in California, and the California court still retained jurisdiction over the case. There had never been nor was there any reason to start any court action in Indiana. Regardless of these facts, the Contra Costa County DA's office insisted that I first open a case in Indiana by filing a URESA petition at my local prosecutor's office. So I was forced to trot down to my local Monroe County (Indiana) prosecutor's office in Bloomington, Indiana. I appeared there and requested to file a URESA petition. I was informed that the person who knew how to do this was leaving the prosecutor's office in a few weeks and would be unable to service my request before then. I was instructed to come back in a couple of months when someone had been hired and trained and could then service my request. I pleaded that this was unacceptable and I was told that I could actually appear at any prosecutor's office in the state of Indiana to file a URESA petition if I was "in a rush". I thus appeared a few days later at the Lawrence County prosecutor's office in Bedford, Indiana, after first calling and ensuring they could file a URESA petition. Although this was in the next county over and about a thirty minute drive, it was the only way I could proceed quickly. I thus filed the URESA petition in Bedford on November 9th of 1995. Then I began to wait for a response. To make matters even more critical, I was later informed during this period of my immediate layoff from my employer of twelve years in Palo Alto, California in June of 1996. I was now unemployed with five children to support, one of whom was in college at Purdue University and a second due to start college at Indiana University in a few months. It was truly a miserable and stressful time. I was expending a great deal of time chasing after child support as opposed to being able to spend all of my time looking for a new job. I had been making Silicon Valley wages and now found myself looking for work in an area where the average medium income was less than $25,000 per year. To make matters even worse, my bankruptcy precluded me from obtaining loans - even educational loans for the children in college. What would I do...?
Throughout the period from October of 1995 to September of 1996, I sent numerous letters to the Contra Costa County (California) DA's office in hopes of receiving assistance in collecting my long overdue and growing child support arrearage. I received multiple responses that they would not take any action until I filed a URESA petition. I informed them I had. The Lawrence County (Indiana) prosecutor's office became as irritated as me in that they could not get a response from the Contra Costa County (California) DA's office regarding the URESA petition that they had submitted months ago. In September of 1996 (A full year after the child support order had been put in place), I received a communication from the Contra Costa County (California) DA's office stating:
"Our position remains the same, you must have your local child support office file a URESA petition with Contra Cost Co. We have no record of any actions filed or requested on Nov. 1995".
My ex-wife had surprised me in March of 1996 with a child support payment - a whopping $20 money order. Wow, new shoe laces for everyone, I thought! Meanwhile, by September of 1996, I was so frustrated at the Contra Costa County (California) DA's office that I sent a fax to California Governor Pete Wilson's office complaining. A few weeks later, I received a letter from the California Dept. of Social Services stating they had requested an explanation from the Contra Costa County DA's office as to why my case was not being dealt with, as per a request from the Governor's office. I received letter dated 10/22/96 from the Contra Costa County DA's office in response to the Dept. of Social Services which explained the problem as being caused by having had two separate cases open - my original collection request, and the URESA petition - which they themselves had insisted upon and I had attempted to argue against! It appeared that they were attempting to imply that I was to blame for having opened two separate cases - even though they had insisted on such! Just prior to receiving this letter, I had received a letter from the Lawrence County (Indiana) prosecutor's office (dated 10/9/96) stating:
"Dear Mr. Hinman
I received a call today from your caseworker in California and she informed me that they did receive the URESA from their Central Registry in June. She stated that an acknowledgement letter was mailed to me but upon checking the address they had for our office we found that they had sent it to Bedford, Oregon."
This was so irritating, it was comical. The Contra Costa County DA's office has literally delayed any collection activity by more than a year by a combination of poor management and pure incompetence. I decided to move ahead in any case. I was owed in excess of $14,000 in child support by this time. My ex-wife was attending law school, and had not even had a license intercept placed against her, thanks to the inaction of the Contra Costa County DA's office. Now that this case was out in the open, and the amount of arrearage was approaching $15,000, I would surely see some action and hopefully, some child support. Wrong again....
Over the next six months, there was zero progress (I measure progress in child support collection by how much money in collected). I complained to my US Senator and local Congresswoman. They suggested I contact the US District Attorney's office in Indianapolis, which I did. They had previously been even less responsive than the Contra Costa County DA's office and continued to be so. During one call I was informed that the majority of their time was spent chasing after and convicting "real" criminals, and they did not have the resources to expend on child support collection cases. Gee, and I thought that not paying child support was against the law and made you a criminal. Oh well....
In the mean time, I was working with the Lawrence County (Indiana) prosecutor's office which did seem to care and to take this matter quite seriously. The deputy prosecutor there was quite offended by the lack of action by his counterpart in California and by the year long delay of the case caused by the Contra Costa County DA's office mishandling of the paperwork. I had seen two articles in the local newspaper wherein prosecutors in two different Indiana counties had gone after non-paying parents residing in other states and extradited them back to Indiana and incarcerated them, forcing them to post bond in the amount of their child support arrearage. One judge was quoted as stating "It amazing how quickly they come up with money they previously claimed they never had when they need to get out of jail". I had very serious reservations about being responsible for my ex-wife's incarceration, but it was clear she had the ability to pay some or all of this support and she was thumbing her nose at the legal system and our children. The Lawrence County (Indiana) prosecutor began preparing a case for filing and an extradition request. He spent several weeks working on this given all of the documents I submitted to him in support of it. Finally, I drove down to Bedford to sign the papers. I was finally going to see some action in the collection of the long overdue child support. It was now early June of 1997.
A few days later I received a rather distressing call from the deputy prosecutor in Lawrence County (Indiana), who was about to file the extradition request against my ex-wife and start the process of collection.
"I can't file the case", he stated, somewhat dismally.
"Why?!" I responded. somewhat incredulously.
"Because you are not a resident of Lawrence County, Indiana - you are a resident of Monroe County, Indiana, and we do not have jurisdiction to file the case as a result - it will have to be filed in Monroe County by their prosecutor's office. I have no jurisdiction there."
It was then that I had remembered that my local Monroe County (Indiana) prosecutor had sent me to another county to file the URESA petition because they didn't have anyone available who knew how to do it. Boy, how many different government agencies could continue to jump squarely in the way of any progress in this case. The Lawrence County (Indiana) deputy prosecutor did brighten my hopes a bit when he stated:
"We are going to transfer the case up to the Monroe County (Indiana) prosecutors office, however, and they can proceed with it - we've already done all of the ground work for them. "
Well this isn't so bad, what's a few more weeks after waiting nearly two years", I thought . I thanked this deputy prosecutor, the only person who seemed to take this job seriously. He promised they would copy the case file and transfer it within two weeks to my home county of Monroe (Indiana). I waited two weeks exactly and called the Monroe County (Indiana) prosecutor's office to inquire about the case. They had not received the files yet. I waited two more weeks and called - same response. So I called the Lawrence County (Indiana) prosecutor's office.
"We sent those files up there three weeks ago", I was informed.
I called the Monroe County prosecutor's Office back to inquire and they responded:
"Well, they are not here, they must have been lost in transit - ask them to send the files again".
So I called back to the Lawrence County prosecutor's Office (remember, patience is a virtue!). They were highly irritated by the request but promised to make another copy and send them. I waited two more weeks and called the Monroe County Prosecutor's office once again. I spoke directly with the deputy prosecutor whom I had previously been told would be assigned to this case. He informed me that the files still had not shown up. Given the fact that I had heard around town that this deputy prosecutor was not exactly well known for his diligence, I called the main child support collection number back and asked the clerk to pull my case file and see if any action had taken place (not informing her of my prior conversation with the deputy prosecutor). To my amusement, she came back on the phone a few minutes later and said that no action had taken place. I asked her if she had the case file in front of her and she responded "Yes". I asked her to give me my new case number and she did. I then asked her to carry the case file over and place it on the deputy prosecutor's desk "because he had trouble finding it". I waited thirty minutes and called the deputy prosecutor back. I decided not to jump on him for his lack of diligence, but instead to ask him when he would be taking action. I gave him an update regarding the Lawrence County (Indiana) deputy prosecutor who was about to file an extradition request and bring my ex-wife back here and prosecute her. He said he would have to research the case first and fill out the appropriate papers. I gave him two weeks and called back - no action. Two more weeks brought no action. I called the Prosecutor (his boss) and complained and he promised me the issue would be dealt with. A month went by and no action. Finally, I was informed that the Monroe County Prosecutor's office would not be taking any action in the case. It was not an Indiana child support order and was thus not their responsibility to enforce (even though the four children who were the subjects of the order resided in their jurisdiction). I filed a complaint against this Prosecutor with the State of Indiana. They refused to take any action (the epitome of the foxes guarding the chickens as my grandmother used to say...).
So now the only meaningful action to date had been snuffed out by the fact that I was unfortunate enough to reside in Monroe County, Indiana, where out of state child support orders seemingly have no effect (any deadbeats reading this might want to consider moving here - its a great town, and it appears you'll find a safe haven from paying child support given my experience...). Sorry if I sound bitter. The local newspaper actually did a front page story on my situation and had a sub headline "Father Calls County Useless on Child Support". Made for fun reading - didn't obtain any positive results, although I received several supportive phone calls from people who had similar feelings about our local "Prosecutor".
In June of 1997, I was presently surprised with my first published appellate decision. My ex-wife had filed an appeal of the original September of 1995 court order which ordered her to begin paying child support to me. She had argued that a stay at home mother with three new young children should not be forced to pay child support for children from a previous marriage. In spending well over sixty hours in the law library over a period of weeks researching this issue, I had been dismayed to learn that there was no set pattern in California appellate cases regarding this issue. Sometimes an appellate court would agree with one side of this argument and another time they would rule against it. This entire subject category was a real mess in California law. I placed a responding brief in front of the appellate court arguing such that contained extensive quotes and citations. The appellate court had actually agreed with me in reaching their decision in my wife's sixth appeal. Not only that, but they had decided to use my case to clear up the mess and to establish a new precedent in California law regarding the imputation of income to a non-working or under-employed ex-spouse. This fully published decision is now being quoted extensively in many child support cases. Its been called the most significant decision to come down in twenty five years regarding child support calculation.
Curiously, a few months after my decision was published by one of the multiple appellate courts in California, another appellate court published a decision stating that a person ordered to pay child support could not be forced to get a job to pay such and could not be held in contempt for refusing to get a job and paying child support. In effect, one appellate court was stating that lower courts could calculate child support based on what the court felt a person could actually earn, while another appellate court was stripping the lower courts of any ability to enforce child support orders in cases where a person simply refused to get a job. The basis for this new ruling was the US Constitution's fourteenth Amendment, which forbids involuntary servitude (and I thought the conception of a child was typically a purely voluntary act...!).
Fortunately, this conflicting decision was overturned by the California Supreme Court, who stated that this did not amount to involuntary servitude, thus reinstating the lower court's ability to enforce child support orders. This episode is a wonderful example of the sometimes flippant behavior of the appellate courts in California, and illustrates why many common citizens remained confused and feeling unsupported by these courts regarding issues such as child support enforcement. This behavior also trickles down into the enforcement agencies, sometimes creating a less than serious attitude towards chasing after deadbeat parents, in my opinion. If you ever wonder why there are so many deadbeat parents in the state of California, this is an excellent area to examine.
One additional positive note during this period, however, was the entry of a deputy district attorney from the Contra Costa County (California) DA's office into the case. He began to sort through the mess his office had made of the case and to prepare to file license intercepts against my ex-wife. During one of my early conversations with him (it was so refreshing to actually talk to someone from the Contra Costa County DA's office after nearly a year and half of trying to deal with them), he candidly stated "We have 70,000 cases and only 2 investigators - do your math". Hmmmm, well in doing my math, you typically have fifty two work weeks in a year times five days a week times eight hours a day times two investigators. This comes up to 4,240 man hours available or 254,400 man minutes available divided by 70,000 cases which comes out to approximately 3.6 minutes of investigator time per case per year. Gee, at this rate, my children might see a few dollars of their court ordered support before they die of old age....
In any case, I found this new deputy DA to be a good person who cared about his job and was quite sharp. Problem was, it appeared to me that his support infrastructure was almost non-existent, although he never once complained about his office. I found this somewhat admirable, and he would later begin to have a positive impact on my case. Unfortunately, in the meantime, I was owed over $20,000 of child support with no collection in sight. Although the State of California had a specific criminal statute for prosecuting non-paying parents